A few weeks ago I was on the phone with my friend RG, setting the world to rights and energetically discussing the sorry state of the UK economy and our growing apathy towards politics and government management of the economy. We haven’t seen each other in person in over a year, and she remarked that my disillusionment with the current financial system and my exasperation with the billionaires were not something that she recognised in me. I realised that this was a very fair and true comment, that these were concepts I had become preoccupied with only in the past year. Here’s exactly what happened:
Flat
In summer 2021 I bought a flat in Stockwell, London. Every time I explained to someone in a pub, at work, or at a friend’s birthday party that I had moved out of my beloved shared house with university friends because I had bought a flat, they would move to congratulate me. Every time I would feel embarrassed and correct them – there was nothing to congratulate me for, I had entirely been gifted the flat via financial donations from my grandmother and my parents. The only thing I had paid for was the stamp duty and solicitors fees. All credit to my friends and their friends, everyone always went out of their way to acknowledge my honesty, and reiterate what an exciting development this was nonetheless. I love my flat, and I’m extremely grateful to my family members for their generous gifts. But I couldn’t help but be preoccupied with the certainty that it would NEVER have been possible for me to self-sufficiently buy it. Even if I had given up all tenants of my social life, with wages failing to keep up with inflation I spent hours and hours mulling over how much I could have saved and what property I could have ever afforded as a single female working professional in London without any help – a reality for millions of people who do not access the same privileges afforded to me. This certainty that my flat was actually beyond my financial possibility really worried me, and I found myself thinking about my financial situation a lot of the time. Speaking with my parents, I learned that my mother bought her first house completely self-sufficiently, whilst my father had a small amount of help with his first deposit after his grandmother’s death. My parents are both NHS doctors, and their experiences of buying their first homes seemed a million miles off the modern day situation facing young people, where many people seem only able to access the property ladder through financial support from their parents or free accommodation with their parents whilst they save. It bothered me that I was so sceptical that I might be able to build the same level of financial security as my parents without their help.
Departing the London rat race
As an eCommerce marketer, my professional life accelerated acutely in 2020. After years of work the eCommerce team transformed overnight from pariah to VIP status, with very senior leaders directing their teams to sit down with mine and collaborate on a plan to accelerate eCom sales to cover the gap left by lockdowns and store closures. Still at assistant level I was presenting frequently to international sector VPs. The pressure was immense, and at this time work became a huge source of anxiety in my life.
Although 2020 and 2021 were years of significant growth for my team overall, Q4 2021 declined year over year as shoppers returned to store compared to the prior winter of rolling lockdowns.
Given these results, I’d say the 30% growth target we were slapped with for 2022 was ridiculous, laughable and completely unrealistic. With Amazon itself reporting declines year on year, there is no way that I believe that we as an eCom team of 7 people within a HUGE multinational corporation had the power to make that happen. Last I checked, the team finished the year -39%.
Around the end of Q1 2022 when this huge target was finalised we also received our previous years employee assessments and salary increases. I received 3%, a difference that was hardly noticeable on my take home pay and represented a significant real terms pay difference given the rate of inflation. I realised at this time that my best, my 120% of time and energy, starting work early and finishing late in the evening, would never be enough. I would always be expected to give more, drive more, achieve more. I now know this is because of modern economics’ addiction to, and reliance on, growth (thank you Kate Raworth). Given real terms pay loss, I would be expected to give more in return for less. With all motivation lost I handed in my notice. I really did not care to give up so much of my time and mental happiness so that the VP of my business could buy a Ferrari with his year ends bonus. It’s probably fuelled by my privilege – but I just couldn’t see that there was enough in this for me.
Sailing the high seas on a Superyacht
Yachting is probably the most significant piece of this puzzle. When I entered the universe of yachting, the super rich elite was made real and sat before me – and I didn’t even work on one of the world’s larger superyachts. My cynicism of capitalism was cemented when the boat owner (the Boss) invited the employees of their company onboard for a celebration. A couple of factors played an important role here:
- In my months on the boat, I witnessed the Boss take 2, maybe 3 business calls overall
- The team were invited to the boat to celebrate a good company deal that had passed. As a result of the deal, the boss had decided to sell the current yacht and upgrade to a new boat worth approximately +20m euros.
When the company team arrived at the boat they immediately scattered in various directions, most of them to take work calls. I spent the next few days serving the company team, all of them immeasurably polite and kind, them insisting they were normal people and didn’t need to be waited on, and I insisting that it was no trouble and they should enjoy the treat and their time onboard. But I cannot emphasise enough how much it struck me: even though the kind Director is absolutely crucial to the Boss’ business, and works long and stressful weeks back home in the UK, essentially managing the business on their behalf because they are enjoying months long holidays on the boat drinking the days away – the Director will not ever be buying a 20 million euro boat. The Director is putting in masses more time and effort for not even close to the same reward. Don’t get me wrong, the Director was probably on a great salary as the market goes, and maybe they themselves have no complaint. I don’t believe that any of those employees would have had to choose between heating their house or feeding their children this winter. But witnessing in person such a wealth disparity between the business owner and the workers driving the business stuck with me. As we headed into winter 2022 we were overwhelmed with news about inflation, real terms pay losses, rocketing household bills and the reality that hundreds of thousands of workers WOULD have to choose between heating their house or putting food on their tables. All this whilst Jeff Bezos’ $500m superyacht was being readied to leave the shipyard, and the 10 richest men on earth doubled their fortunes in the past 2 years.
The rage of injustice and inequality took up occupation of my mind and has not left me since, rendering me certain that I don’t want to rejoin the workforce in a role that blindly reinforces such a system. In this sense the Quarter Life Crisis is still raging on, as I figure out what it IS that I want to contribute with my newfound ‘sacred rage’.